CHOICE

 

In the bathroom, Lefa lets water run and washes his hands. He looks up and meet his reflection in the mirror. For the first time, it registers how handsome he looks. His neat buzz cut matches perfectly with his fine light face. He can see needle lines by his eyes, the inheritance from his father who got it from his grandfather and down goes the line. The men in his family have a long reputation of being players. A bonus to his success in popularity among girls. Yes! Indeed he is handsome. Surely someone like him does not deserve to leave the game as yet. A man enough is determined by his ability to stay in the game, his grandfather would say.

      “Are you going to wash your hands the whole day, Dude?”

 Lefa closes the tap. He murmurs an apology as he rushes out of the bathroom. Since the beginning of the week nothing has been same at work. His colleagues have been avoiding glances with him and being jumpy when he tries to create a conversation. He has never been a friendly person to start with. Everybody in this office is a computer freak and he hates the job, but his mother forced him to work with the promise of giving him a managing position in four months’ time.  But the news of his girlfriend being pregnant has really messed his life up. Even the fluffy spectacle-girl who sits by the door never throws him flirty glances anymore. He drags towards his chair and drops involuntarily. His minds drifts to the conversation he had with his father last night.

      “What are you going to do with the baby, Lefa?” His father sat on the big couch in a spacious living room.

 Lefa sat across him. They both had glasses of whiskey in their hands. He shook his head and took a gulp.

      “Having a family is no child’s play.” He continued, “…Look at your situation right now: working for fun, playing games every night and changing girlfriends like underwear. You cannot simply think you’re up for the responsibility.”

Lefa took the last gulp and put the glass on the set table. He stood up.

      “You have no idea what you’re talking about, Dad. Just because you feed off Mom’s money doesn’t mean every man in this household is useless. I do have my own dreams.”

With that, he stumbled out to his room.

      “I know you, Son. The men in this family are eaters not feeders.” His father called after him.

      “Lefa?” The manager’s voice echoes in the big room, making everybody look up.

Lefa raises his head and sees manager waving him over. People now seem to recognize him as he passes. If it was on another occasion, he would drag his feet and irritate everybody with the noise. But because of hushes and whispers he hears as soon as he passes them, he hurries away without looking anybody in the eye.

      “Your mother is on the line.” Manager says. His voice as loud as if he wants to invite others in. Lefa ignores him and enters the office, and closed the door.

      “Hello Mom, why did you call me here?” He sits on manager’s chair and places his feet on the desk.

      “I wouldn’t have to if you had answered my calls.”

Lefa grits his teeth. He has been ignoring his mother’s call since morning. Because of the dilemma, his mother was the last person he wanted to hear from. He can almost hear her fuming.

      “Ooh, I put it on silent mode while in a meeting this morning.” He knows his mother is not going to believe him. Which meeting? He’s only a minor who receives commands.

      “What is it I hear about you impregnating a girl? What did I say about you and your games with girls? Didn’t I tell I don’t want to see a poor girl at my doorstep claiming to have your baby?”

      “Calm down Mom.” He places his feet on the floor and sits up.

      “How can I calm down now? For Heaven’s sake, you had to go and impregnate MaLucy’s daughter? The biggest witch in the village?”

Lefa sighs. He knows the hatred between his mom and Lucy’s mother. They have always spoken ill of each other. His father said the feud was from dating MaLucy before he married his mother.

      “Can you not bring your hatred in my situation?” He hears her take a deep breath.

      “You have two options. One: make that girl do an abortion and forget all this. Two…”

      “What? She’s eight months pregnant.” He stood up and starts pacing.

      “Two: deny that the child is yours. I will stand by your side.”

      “I don’t believe this is coming from you. You always lecture me about taking responsibility for my actions. Today you’re encouraging me to abandon my child?”

      “If you had chosen another girl, it wouldn’t have come to this. This situation is unacceptable.”

     “Mom!” A lump forms in his lungs and tears pile up in his eyes. Even if he has not made a decision, he had hoped that his mom would surely stand with him if he decides to take Lucy and the baby.

He hangs up the phone and sets out of the office. People shuffle around as he appears at the door. Obviously, they have been listening. But he decides not to care. He walks to his desk and sits down. At the situation like this, he would normally just take his backpack and leave, even if it’s still 11:00am on a Wednesday. Spending a day at the bar drinking has never been a problem for him, but he prefers company of his buddies. He takes out his phone and texts in WhatsApp Group.

      “Anybody up for a drink?” He waits.  

       “Not me. But I’m in if there’s a meet-up for AFCON semi-finals tonight.” Khotso types.

       “I’m also in for tonight. Who’s bringing drinks?” Thabo replies.

       “I will. With meat.” Lefa sighs and sends the message.

Another message enters and he slightly jumps up when he sees Lucy’s name. Reluctantly, he opens it.

       “Your mom wants nothing to do with me and my family. Here’s my question to you, are you in for this baby or not? If not, don’t come to me after it’s born. Never try to be part of its life.”

       “Can we talk about this later?” He sends the text.

      “I don’t have later in my schedule, Lefa. We had seven months to figure this thing out and you kept ignoring it. I might have a child any day now. I need your decision before he arrives.”

Lefa puts the phone down and stands up to the bathroom. He opens the tap and lets the water run. He looks at himself in the mirror. Somehow, he looks quite different from the image he saw earlier. He now has few lines piling across his forehead. His younger sister likes to call them worry lines.

      “Worry lines are for responsible people like mom and me. As for you and Dad, Playboys like you don’t fret over things.”

These words always make Lefa sad. But he acts as if he doesn’t care because that is what is expected of him. His fine and light face now looks sissy: a man who will never grow out of his mother’s care, even if he will marry one day. He will force his wife to work for him, claiming that he has opened opportunities for her to run a big family business.

He splashes the water on his face. He shouldn’t have to be like his father and others before him. It always breaks his heart to see his mother working hard and giving the money to his father. It is not the life he would enjoy living for the rest of his life. And it is definitely not the life he wants to keep witnessing. The door opens and the man from earlier enters and get in the toilet. Lefa turns off the tap and heads outside, water still stripping on his face.

He checks his phone and finds more messages from Lucy.

      “Why are you not answering?”… “I see you must have already made your choice to ignore me. Well, have a nice life Lefa.”… “You know, I seriously thought you are a man capable enough to make right decisions, I see I was wrong. I will never bother you anymore.”… “One last thing, you are a sissy boy.”

Lefa laughs at the last message and types,

      “I will see you tonight. I will be there for our child. And for you, forever.”

Just as everybody starts going out for lunch, Lefa puts down his phone and looks up at the sheet of tasks he has to do for the day. With the way things will be now, his pay should be deserving and meaningful. He is creating the new him in the old sissy Lefa.